Sarah,
Isn't it ironic that you show your need for control by letting something else control you? You are a waste of time. I question why people love you, how you love them just a little more than you hate yourself. Every mistake you make, every harsh word that comes out of your mouth, every moment used up in your own free thought makes me sick. Seeing someone who is thin and beautiful reminds me how weak you are. You should lock yourself in the bathroom and throw up, work out, and starve yourself- even if you haven't eaten in days- until you look like her.
Every Calorie you consume slowly releases its poison into your mind; thoughts of how you look, how you are going to look now that you have eaten, and of how you could have looked had you simply said no. Simply? Hindsight is always 20/20. Wouldn't it have been just as easy to walk away, feeling superior? Why was it so tempting? It wasn't worth the Calories, or the shame, or even the guilt. It would have been so much easier to reward yourself for resisting the temptation. But, no. You just had to swallow. Temptations are like thorns, if you think about it. They seem so much bigger before you pull them out. Stand back and look at this objectively, if you will: food is fuel for the body. You need it. But you don't. You can get by with one tenth of what you heap on your plate, you whore!
Here's what I'll do for you- I will tell you what, and when, and where, and how to eat. I will give you everything you need to get by without so much food. All it will take from you is patience, secrecy, will power, and cooperation. I am the brains; you are the workforce. It is not your job to think about what you are or are not doing. All you need to do is obey me, and I will make you worthy of the love that is so graciously bestowed upon you by those who pity you. But soon, that pity will turn to envy. Be aware that everyone who loves you so generously now will grow to hate you for pushing them away, and moreover, for being what they lack the will to be. I will be your friend. I will be there for you, and listen to you, when everyone else turns their back.
Don't hurt me. I'm only trying to help. This is what you wanted, is it not? I love you to the bones.
Edna